Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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