As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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