Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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