I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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