you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
being pregnant is like rehab
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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