covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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