We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
