she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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