i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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