You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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