You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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