then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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