i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
