Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
