this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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