I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
