Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
