okay pat passed out under dana's car
I want to have your abortion
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
