I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize