I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
