Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
