HIV tests are more positive than that guy
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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