i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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