...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
