Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
