three words: i give head
three words: not that well
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
