I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
