question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
