Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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