Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
