he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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