Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
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making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
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I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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