ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
