Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
