i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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