It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
