I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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