at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
