i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
