Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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