She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
