what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
