Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
