I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
