i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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