my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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