Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
