It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
