Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
ttyl tear gas
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
