dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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