its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
