The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
