If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
