i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
