Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
