The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
