I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
