You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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