just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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