i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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